I’ve got to pull myself together. First there was the dropping-the-iron-on-my-foot incident a couple of weeks ago, which put me out of commission for quite a few days, and then I went to Cyprus and came back with the mother of all head-and-chest colds, which had me bed-ridden for nearly a week. Meanwhile I watch all the conditioning I’ve built up start slipping away as I lie in bed and eat comfort food and gain weight. It’s depressing, to put it mildly. Tomorrow is the 31-week mark and I feel like I’m starting over from the beginning. Even as I’m typing this I’m having to stop every few minutes to have a coughing fit. Last night I got so light-headed I had to sit down halfway on my journey between the living room and the bedroom. I feel weak, and I feel pathetic. Factor in the sluggishness and self-pity brought on by the hot weather, and what we have here is a pretty sad disaster. Boo-hoo, poor me. I’m the only person in the world who’s ever been sick.
So this week I have to try to piece things back together. I need to eat right and drink the right things. I’m a singer and voice teacher; I know how to repair a throat problem. I need to take it easy on the exercise for a few more days, but I do need at least to start exercising again. If I see dust gathering on my running shoes it’ll be enough to send me to the crazy house, I know it. So I need to start doing something or this whole thing really will come to a screeching halt.
It’s a mixed blessing that Emirhan’s doing so well with his own training. On the one hand, it’s frightening and sometimes frustrating that he’s pulling away from me so quickly. He’s a natural athlete— being a bodybuilder, training comes easily to him, and his runs, even the long ones, are fairly effortless. Where I come home panting and exhausted after thirty minutes, he returns victorious and energetic after an hour. He’s going from strength to strength, and it worries me that I’m not doing the same. Aside from my own fears, I don’t want to drag him down with my negativity.
On the other hand, I couldn’t ask for a more supportive and inspirational partner. He’s forever telling me how great I’m doing (even when I’m not) and he’s more than happy to run with me if I want the company and encouragement, or stay away if I feel suffocated by his presence (I’m quite the pro-active introvert). Being no stranger to physical training, he knows exactly what to say and when to say it, and his natural enthusiasm is infectious. He says we’re a team and that the job of team members is to support each other. I’m so lucky to have someone around me who is competing in the same event as I am and can understand what I’m going through. He keeps reminding me that this obscene summer heat won’t last forever, and the cooler weather should be hitting just as I’m getting back up to my best standard again. At that point my training should run a bit more smoothly. That’s exactly what I needed to hear.
One thing I really need to happen is for Öger (the company sponsoring the marathon) to open the marathon registration. The web site promises that registration and full marathon information will be available from the middle of July. But of course this is Turkey and we run on Turkish time; “middle of July” means anytime between now and the new year. It’s now nearly August and there’s no sign of any changes on the site. I’ve heard from scores of runners that actually signing up and paying the registration money makes a big difference in the feeling of committment— this is no longer just a vague thing that’s approaching; once you’ve registered it’s a real event with a real date and real place at the starting line with your name on it. I want to feel locked in to that committment. I want to know that this is something I’ve promised myself to with more than just words.
I know that a couple of weeks of derailment isn’t the end of the world, but it’s easy to let illness spiral into self-pity, especially when two or three things hit in quick succession. So now with a new training week starting tomorrow, I’m going to spend this evening appealing to my friends, my fellow runners, and my readers— I need your encouragement. I need to hear that you, too, got knocked down for a week or two and managed to get back up and get everything back in order. I want to hear that your cousin ran a marathon after having recovered from brain cancer and that I need to shut the hell up and get on with it. I’m going to pull myself out of this regardless, that’s just how I am, but if I can have an external boost… even better.
Now I’m going to spend a few minutes making a training plan for the week and getting my running clothes ready for tomorrow morning. Even if I’m only well enough to manage a walk when I wake up, that’s okay, at least it’s something. For once I’m going to earn all those wonderful things Emirhan says about what a capable athlete I am. I’m not going to let myself or the team down. Being ill is okay, it’s not my fault, but now that I’m recovering I’m not going to let this setback or my self-pity stop me from getting the job done. This time next week I’ll report back with ferocious triumph the likes of which you’ve never seen.
Fin.
July 28th, 2007 at 18:20 pm
You can do it Melissa!!!!!
Don’t get discouraged by how well someone else does, you keep going and soon enough you will be so far ahead of where you thought you could go.
We’re pulling for you!
(Wow, I think I need to tell myself that too.)
July 28th, 2007 at 18:23 pm
it sucks being sick I know…I still have a cough however slight after 4 weeks ago being sick. I hope u have a speedy recovery and can get back to training!
July 28th, 2007 at 18:30 pm
Melissa, after I finished a project a couple months ago, I felt drained and exhausted. I was fearful that I wasn’t really going to get the chance to show my strengths again. That the moment of getting to do what I loved was over. Until I keep telling people about my business and people started asking questions. That’s when I realized I made it happen and that it was time to give up those fears and move forward.
You’re already moving forward, just take a deep breath, take that first step and you’ve managed to start your way to the finish. You can and you will. We’ll cheer for you along the way.
July 28th, 2007 at 18:43 pm
Hey Melissa, Hang in there. Focus on the present day, (maaaaaaybe tomorrow) and the teensy improvements will get you to where you’re going.
Also, this neat tribute went up last night: http://atechdiva.wordpress.com/2007/07/28/twitter-tech/ and I’m really glad it did because I learned a lot more about you, and share the admiration for your bold choices and adventures!
Rock that ferocious triumph, you hero you.
July 28th, 2007 at 18:48 pm
Go on, you can do it! Hang in there! You’ll pull through this slump.
July 28th, 2007 at 18:50 pm
PS — that blog post is by our very own, and dear, @twila_zoned
July 28th, 2007 at 18:55 pm
Paying the registration fee helps me out with my motivation and the feeling of making everything seem more real. When I ran my half marathon, it never felt real - it always seems like something I was saying I was doing just to try and impress people or to hear the sound of my voice. But I when I paid the money and was provided a receipt, I knew it was real. There was no turning back.
July 28th, 2007 at 19:14 pm
I just want to read about your participation in your inimitable MM style. Doing it is the big thing, afterwards you can look back and say “hell, I *did* that!” Take care and look after yourself though, cos I want to hear about the experience from you…
July 28th, 2007 at 19:20 pm
Put one foot out first, then the other. Repeat. And if you get tired, run. And if you are sore, run more. Keep going forward and you’ll be surprised how far you will go. You can do it.
July 28th, 2007 at 19:21 pm
@Fred: well, if you need a return boost, just let me know! I’m all about mutual support.
July 28th, 2007 at 19:22 pm
@Charlie: it’s frustrating how long a cough hangs on, isn’t it? At least I’m feeling better, if not sounding better. Thanks for your support!
July 28th, 2007 at 19:24 pm
@Michelle: that was an awesome thing to say, and thanks for sharing your own experiences as well.
July 28th, 2007 at 19:25 pm
@Laura: WOW, I had no idea about that article in Twila’s blog! Thanks for pointing that out; I’m humbled and shocked and…. wow.
July 28th, 2007 at 19:26 pm
@K.G.: Thank you so much for your support! Slump’s a good word for it, and you’re right, I will pull through… thanks again.
July 28th, 2007 at 19:29 pm
@Jason: that is exactly how I feel, like I’m just talking out my ass about some “marathon” I’m going to “run.” When I get my receipt for the registration I’m going to pin it up on my wall - real, hard evidence.
I’m glad I’m not the only one who feel that way about registering, thanks for that.
July 28th, 2007 at 19:33 pm
@teddlesruss: oh, don’t you worry, the one thing I’m not short of is stories to tell, I’ll always be here for that… and thanks for being such a kind and faithful reader, you’ve been an awesome twitter friend as well.
July 28th, 2007 at 19:35 pm
@Ken: that’s the exact way I started out, and I need to get back to that basic regime now. Hanging out with the running. Left, right, left, right.
Thanks for the reminder, that was something I forgot and needed to be reminded of.
July 28th, 2007 at 19:37 pm
As you probably already know, getting over the inertia is the hardest part. All you have to do is promise yourself you’ll take a walk, or a short jog around the block, but do it TODAY! Then, once you’re out there and feeling good enough to go a mile or two, you’ve smashed your original goal and the momentum gets going again.
July 28th, 2007 at 19:47 pm
If running a marathon was easy, everybody would be doing it, and it would not be a special accomplishment.
Don’t try to buck up. Instead, embrace the horror, the pain, the endurance, the challenge. You don’t learn jack about yourself by living an unchallenged life. Yes! This is difficult, and I’m doing it ANYWAY!
I needed to read this, actually, because I also need to keep up with my fitness goals. I’m trying to get really, really fit by January first and I’ve just started my WO routine, and my initial enthusiasm is waning.
C’mon, let’s be tough chicks. No quitting. Perservere. And remember, we’ll feel better naked when those results start showing. Really, isn’t it all about feeling good naked? HUZZAH!
July 28th, 2007 at 19:53 pm
You will come back stronger - the body remembers a lot in terms ofwhat it can do
July 28th, 2007 at 20:12 pm
@Leanne: you’re so right. When I lived in England I had a trainer who used to say that the hardest part of going to the gym was getting off the sofa. The rest is easy.
July 28th, 2007 at 20:30 pm
In fiction, this part happens all the time. You’re on your rise up, and you’re nearly at the climax of the action, and there’s a huge setback. The setback, believe it or not, is our favorite part as an audience. That’s when we all get to the edge of our seat. We want so badly for the hero - YOU - to succeed, and we’re thinking, “Please don’t give up. Don’t give up. You’re so strong. We’re counting on you to be strong.”
We believe in you, Melissa, because we’ve seen how much you’ve accomplished already. You are truly heading onward and upward. Accept these days. Let them wash over you. Don’t let them become excuses. And when you’re ready, move forward. Slowly. Dig in, don’t fall backwards, and push forward.
My best to you.
July 28th, 2007 at 20:34 pm
@xanna: HUZZAH! I’m familiar with your fit-by-the-first campaign, and I know what you mean about initial enthusiasm… and you’re absolutely right, it IS about feeling good naked!
Thanks so much for your input, if anyone likes a challenge it’s me!
July 28th, 2007 at 20:36 pm
@Chris Marshall: I’m so glad you said that, because I was kind of hoping something like that would be true… the thought of starting *completely* over is so depressing! Thanks for the encouragment!
July 28th, 2007 at 20:37 pm
Stopping by from Twitter mention. I send you best wishes for recovery!
July 28th, 2007 at 20:39 pm
Hey Melissa, I know how you feel! I also know you can do it too
Last year I was going great and messed up my knee and needed surgery. This year I started to loose the weight and got sidetracked by a consuming project at the office (yes - another reason to start my own company again!). But, Don’t give in! Take strength from what you’ve done. See yourself doing it again and you will! You’re leading a pretty cool existence and you’ve already accomplished some things that I never may (I chose a different path - wife, kids, mortgage!). If you can do those - you can do this. Just remember - you ROCK.
July 28th, 2007 at 20:45 pm
@Chris Brogan, you’re awesome, and I will never forget the support you’ve given me both this time and all the millions of other times. I don’t know where you get the energy to help so many people out in such a heavy-duty way, but you’re an inspiration. Tomorrow’s run is dedicated to you, my friend.
July 28th, 2007 at 20:48 pm
@Marti: thank you so much, your support means a lot!
July 28th, 2007 at 20:48 pm
Just take a deep breath and let all these mishaps know they can’t beat you. I have had this happen to me twice in my life and the second time something finally dawned on me. I made it through the first time. Catch up on some reading, some writing, some emails, think of the first thing you’re going to do for yourself when all is well and anticipate when you get back on track and achieve the original goal you set for yourself. And just think you met a new friend, me Tiff “TheFemGeek”. I’ll be wishing, hoping, jedi mind tricking, and whatever else I can use for for you to have a quick recovery and for you to finish what you started.
July 28th, 2007 at 20:51 pm
Hi Melissa! I read an inspirational story last summer (Runner’s World mag) when I was on my own running quest. Two friends made paper bracelets (on the computer) to wear on race day. The bracelets were numbered with the exact number of meters they had to run. Beside each number, they wrote something personal & inspirational (quotes, reasons to keep going, etc.). Each mile successfully ran was rewarded with another message to read. Maybe you can try something like that…
July 28th, 2007 at 20:55 pm
@Phillip: You’re right, it’s so easy to focus on the setbacks and forget about the awesomeness… I do rock, I do! And I will.
Incidentally, your past choices don’t necessarily rule out any future ones - one of my Norwegian friends took the same route as you (wife, kids, mortgage), and he discovered, as I did, that there’s nothing in this world that isn’t movable - houses can be sold, and wives and kids travel quite conveniently in these new-fangled “aeroplanes.” He’s relocated his business to Turkey, his wife is teaching Norwegian and English, and his kids go to a Turkish school and are fluently trilingual. They’re talking about going to Australia next!
July 28th, 2007 at 20:57 pm
@TheFemGeek: I think your Jedi mind trick may already be working! Glad to have new friends and to know that this has happened to you as well and you didn’t let it beat you, either! Thanks for your input.
July 28th, 2007 at 21:00 pm
@Mimi: that is an awesome idea! I’m definitely into that kind of motivational trickery, so I will certainly try something like that! Thanks for the suggestion.
July 28th, 2007 at 21:00 pm
Melissa,
I know it’s hard to get back in there, especially if you’re not healed. You’ve done so well thus far, you’re not going to have any problem getting back into the swing of things and you’re body is going to tell you when you’re ready. Start back on it mentally and physically with what you KNOW you can handle right now and before you know it, you’ll be so much further along than you ever thought you could be. Good luck and take care of yourself. I’m pulling for y’a girl!
July 28th, 2007 at 21:09 pm
@Liz: thanks sweetie, I’m going to go out tomorrow morning (for the first time in a couple of weeks) and see how it goes… the important thing is that I do it; how much I do isn’t so much the point. Thanks for the luck and good vibes!
July 28th, 2007 at 21:33 pm
He Melissa - you’re right. They’ve been through a startup with me already - and they were awesome. At the moment, I’m just trying to provide a bit of stability, get rid of some debt and allow us to breathe for a year or two. Our kids are home-schooled so there’s no problem with travel - and I’ve spoken with the wife about moving to europe for a couple of years just so the kids can experience a different culture and not just think of everything with an US perspective.
July 28th, 2007 at 21:41 pm
Melissa, a few years ago a friend of mine overcame a heart attack and what he would admit was a very unhealthy lifestyle to do the Houston marathon. I’ve seen what a little determination can accomplish. Just keep moving forward, easy and steady!
July 28th, 2007 at 21:41 pm
It has been just a strain of bad luck for you Melissa. I am sure you can get back on track with your training and regain that condition. We are talking about a marathon here; it is courages even to think about getting ready for one. Best of luck and I hope you never get sick again.
July 28th, 2007 at 22:03 pm
Enjoy yourself Melissa! You can do it!
July 28th, 2007 at 22:03 pm
I am running a whole marathon in 3 weeks. And I think I have been through it all. I had a husband who was a very good runner, and I started out with him, in fact I learned a lot from him, but running with him was not fun. He was so overbearing with me, I couldn’t stand it. But finding a running group of my own, where he wasn’t that was great. But we supported each other and participated in the same competitions. But somehow, training with my husband was not the right thing for me.
You can always put your running gear on and get out there, even with a cold, but take care, let the body get a chance to heal. Otherwise you will stay in that pitiful condition forever. Just walk, don’t run until you get better.
And b.t.w. I got a pink Ipod suffle too
July 28th, 2007 at 22:42 pm
Great art and personal evolution come through suffering, as we endure it and learn from it. The only lessons we really learn are those we learn in suffering, or if you prefer, in struggle, pain, and deprivation.
Comfort zones are crap for progress. Smug, complacent, and satisfied = stagnation, decay, and backsliding, generally speaking. So my sweet friend, rejoice. Life has chose you for a training that you have been determined as worthy of and fit for.
You will not be crushed, but crystallized. You will be stronger, smarter, and cuter in the long run.
You may have read my tweets about buying a new Ultra Vision webcam, and right out of the box, I accidentally body slammed it on the hardwood attic floor in my rush to get downstairs to stop a pack of teenagers from “destroying” our garden, which my wife mistakenly percieved. My foot caught up in wires, yanked the poor webcam, fresh out of the packaging, and bang it hit the floor really really really hard!
$140 Logitech webcam. Then I yelled at my wife and made her cry convulsively and I ruined what coulda been a beautiful evening.
We bounce back, with God’s help.
Blustery blessing to you, my dear Twitter pal and blogocombat ally.
http://twitter.com/vaspers
http://justin.tv/vasperspresents
July 29th, 2007 at 00:39 am
Melissa, you are a very determined girl, both intellectually and physically. Don’t let this flu get you down. Every person and every athlete has personal set backs. After you recover, slowly get back into a routine. Don’t try and do it now as you are too run down, and I do not want your cough to turn into pneumonia.
You mentioned that you went to Cyprus. I would be very interested to read what you thought of the place. Is that a future blog?
Take Care.
July 29th, 2007 at 04:03 am
@Phillip: indeed - and wow about the home-schooling! We want to do that, too. I don’t trust schools in any country.
July 29th, 2007 at 04:05 am
@Annie: well if he can do it, I can do it as a healthy 34-year old, right? Thanks for telling me your friend’s story, it helps keep me motivated!
July 29th, 2007 at 04:06 am
@Turker: thank you for you thoughts and support - I hope I stop getting sick, too! I think I’m done with it now, though. ;-D
July 29th, 2007 at 04:07 am
@Joelie: thank you, Joelie!
July 29th, 2007 at 04:10 am
@Frida: which marathon are you running? I tried to have a look in your blog, but I’m afraid my Icelandic isn’t what it used to be.
I’m leaving the house in about five minutes, we’ll see how it goes. Your support means everything, and of course you have mine for your own race!
July 29th, 2007 at 04:15 am
@Ardent: I only had brief thoughts about Cyprus (as I’m only ever there briefly), but they’re here: http://melissamaples.com/2007/07/24/back-from-the-dead/
It’s a good point about too much too soon causing relapse or even worse illness - I’m going to take it slowly this morning and see how I feel and judge by that. Thanks for your kind words.
July 29th, 2007 at 04:24 am
@Vaspers: I know exactly what you mean about evolution through personal suffering…. how many times have I gone through that? Seriously.
And bouncing back, yes, it’s one thing we are great at.
Interesting blog, I’m going to have a more in-depth look when I get back from running.
Thanks for your comments and support!
July 29th, 2007 at 14:11 pm
I am running Reykjavik marathon: http://www.marathon.is/pages/english4/?iw_language=en
There are a few posts in English on my blog, maybe I should tag them
August 1st, 2007 at 12:37 pm
@Frida: wow, that’s really close, just a couple of weeks now! Is it your first marathon?
I’ve been looking for something like the babelfish translator to translate your blog, but it seems difficult to find anything like that in Icelandic.