Today is an extra-festive day at our house, as we are celebrating two things: the Turkish national Victory Day holiday, and the third anniversary of my move to Turkey. So due to the celebratory mood, I bring you a special edition of the Thursday bazaar post.

All praise to the mighty Zoloft.

Quite often I’m asked by readers what sorts of things I actually buy at the bazaar— well, we go through a lot of vegetables in this house, but we have the unusual situation that kitchen duties have nothing to with me (if you ever tasted my cooking you’d understand why), and that includes produce acquisition, so I leave veggie shopping to the boys. Me personally, the first place I usually hit is my favourite fake makeup guy. There are about ten fake makeup guys at the bazaar, but I keep going to this particular one because he’s never let me down. He sells the absolute best fakes available. Today I bought these fake Lancôme eyeshadows for the grand price of 3 for 5 lira (that’s about a dollar each). And how does one know they’re fake? Well, if the fact that it’s a guy selling them from a table on the sidewalk isn’t enough for you…

…perhaps the fact that they actually say “Langôme” might tip you off.

After I bought my makeup I went looking for a new bed sheet because we, ahem, tore the old one (yeah yeah, shut up). One vendor had these stretch knit cotton sheets (just like t-shirt material, perfect for late summer) for 3 lira. They only had black and red; I chose black because red reminds Emirhan of a certain football team we’re not allowed to talk about in this house.

If it seems to you like our bed appears to be on the balcony, that’s because it is on the balcony— believe me, in this weather, there’s no way it would ever be cool enough to sleep inside. Maybe at the end of next month we’ll be able to move the bed back into the house.

For ages and ages I’ve been threatening to buy one of those luxury bathrobes that Turkey is famous for, but they’re so expensive, and I rarely see one in a subtle solid colour. But today I got lucky and found an inexpensive alternative, this fantastic cotton waffle pattern robe with a thick terry lining. The tag says Nordstrom, but don’t let that fool you— it was 6 lira.

I have no idea what the wild look in my eyes is about… perhaps it’s the fact that I’d just come inside from sauna-esque weather and the last thing I wanted to be doing was donning a heavy bathrobe. The things I do for you people.

Pretty sure that was supposed to be my pleasure, her majesty, but hey, whatever works, mylove. But what are the zig-zaggy things?

After I came back from the bazaar and saw how great the new sheet fit on the bed (our mattress is one of those fat ones that regular sheets won’t cover), I decided that red could also be representative of the Turkish flag, and I went back down to buy the red sheet as well. Unfortunately, the vendor informed me that he’d just sold the red one five minutes before I arrived. My loss. Maybe next week, he says.

So in my disappointment I decided to wander back to the makeup guy and see if he could cheer me up. I got two eyeliners, 1 lira each. The one that actually says L’oréal seems to be colour-blind— note that the label says “frozen chestnut” and indicates a shimmery gold colour, but the pencil itself is clearly jet black (which was confusing because I’d been looking for a black label, silly me). The wine-coloured one is actually wine-coloured, go figure, but as you can see it’s made by Lqreal. You can’t have everything, you snob.

Time to get into celebration mode with the best wine 10 lira can buy. I have no idea about wine; I asked the wine store guy (no, there’s nothing as cool as bazaar wine, I went to an actual wine store) for his advice, and he chose this in the “under 10 lira” range. I haven’t tried it yet, so you’ll have to ask me again tomorrow. My guess is it’ll do what it’s supposed to do. Yeah, I’m that kind of wino.

Rock attitude seems to be all simple thing— enjoy your Thursday evening, wherever you are and however simple it is.

I’m frightened by the lack of support for Greece as fires ravage their beautiful country and kill their citizens. We had a quickly spreading fire in our apartment building earlier this week, and even that small drama was frightening enough to remind us that fire doesn’t joke around, and without help from neighbouring nations, I worry how well the Greek firefighters will be able to cope on their own.

I wish all the best to the people of Greece— I’m not sure how helpful the Turkish government is being (there are conflicting reports as to why Turkish aid is not getting through), but as far as the Turkish people are concerned, our thoughts are with you. Now, if only thoughts could extinguish fires…

Last night we watched the best Turkish film I’ve ever seen. It’s called Korkuyorum Anne, and although it’s billed as a comedy and it is intensely funny, it also has a sweet story and is very heartwarming. It’s kind of like a Turkish version of Monsoon Wedding, I guess. Funnier, though.

It makes a nice change from all the Turkish art films I’ve been watching lately, which are either really badly made, extremely depressing in a “this is your Turkish life, the only way to escape it is to kill yourself” kind of way, or both. This film actually portrayed some of the good things about living in Turkey, which I thought was a refreshing change. Don’t get me wrong, Uzak was also a fine film, a beautiful film, but its sole message seemed to be that life in Turkey is difficult, impossible at times, and you can never, ever hope for anything better except maybe death. The worst part was watching the protagonist go through the motions of his life and seeing so much of our own lives in that. My friend Gary, ever the pessimist, once told me that people think moving across the world all the time is exciting, but really you’re just trading wasting away in one place for wasting away in a different place. Uzak was about wasting away in Turkey. The protagonist kept going down to the sea and then stopping at the shore and just gazing across the water, this sort of symbolic trying the prison gate and then settling for staring out between the bars, knowing you will never see the light of day. Korkuyorum, on the other hand, was about families who stick together and love each other and laugh sometimes and make lemonade. I need to see more films like that.

The Antalya Sand City sculpture competition has been well under way for a while now, but as the weather has been so unbearably hot I haven’t managed to make it down there yet. I promise I’ll bring back a full report once the summer calms down a little. This particular sculpture is actually an advertisement of sorts, constructed by one of the artists at a local shopping mall I happened to be at a few days ago.

If you’re impatient and want to see more of the sculptures right now, haha.nu has a gallery taken by another local blogger. He missed out any Turklish, though, and if last year’s exhibition is anything to go by I’ll bet there’s plenty to go at down there. Don’t worry, I’ll check it out soon and get back to you.

Guys guys guys, look what I found:

I know, right? It’s lemon poppyseed cake, and it comes from Cenk Sönmezsoy’s Café Fernando. Now, you guys know I’m a foodie; I subscribe to many many food blogs, including several Turkish ones, and this blog is just the best thing I’ve ever seen. There’s also a Turkish version if you swing that way, and of course any blog where The Honourable Sir Ralph McPuppersons gets his own category is 100% sure to gain the melissamaples.com seal of approval.

How come none of you told me about this blog before? I guess we’re just lucky that Cenk’s a friendly guy and got in touch, eh? link

Dear Winter, I’m sorry for all those things I said about you. Please come back, we’ll work it out. Love, Melissa.

I nearly melted today. We’re back up in the mid-forties. Friends of mine all over the world are talking about how autumn is already starting for them. It’s just not fair, send some this way!

I wandered around the bazaar with the rest of the heat-addled zombies; here’s what I came back with. Enjoy.

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See, this is what happens when it gets too hot. “Blaze in the sailink wing across the breezy skies softly, monarch’s gold velvet.” Monarch’s Gold Velvet sounds like the name of a race horse.

As opposed to all that fug makeup I used to wear…

Oh fake Eeyore, I think you’ve got bigger identity problems than who the worm is… a pending cease-and-desist from Disney, for one.

A public safety message from Levi Strauss & Co.

It always makes me laugh when they paste in these cutesy puns (yes, that first word is hoppy) that make no sense without the context of a graphic, and even less sense in late August.

They don’t mean flower girl in the sense that we mean flower girl; they mean flower girl in the sense that we mean crazy lady with fifty cats.

“Carrier” might be pushing it, it looks more like “droppier” from here. Also, notice that Duck has a crush on Carrier Pigeon. Oh Duck, you always fall in love so easily.

Ha, I used to be an authentic mayo chick, and I can say for sure that I would have never fit into something that size.

If you want to see more of these, the bazaar archive is here. Also you’ll want to head down to the store— there are a couple of new shirts there this week, and some more will be arriving soon thanks to your suggestions. Enjoy your Thursday!

Carpetblogger has done it again, taken the words right out of my mouth— this time about the common folk belief in Turkey that air conditioning, or indeed any free-flowing air, will make you sick. I’ve noticed this when I ride the bus; even in 100-degree weather, if I try to open a window people scream at me to close it. “Do you want us all to get sick?” they ask with accusing eyes as sweat pours down their faces. Well, I don’t want us all to die of heat exhaustion, no.

Even my housemates, who are university-educated adults, believe that every illness they contract can be traced to a few minutes they spent in an air-conditioned room three weeks ago on Thursday. And every time I cough or sneeze, they say, “Melissa, it’s because you sit in front of that fan all day.” The worst part is, doctors here don’t seem to be any more well-informed— the last time one of my housemates was sick, the first thing the doctor asked him was “have you been in front of any air conditioners or fans?” Of course, said housemate brought this back to me as proof that I was playing with fire by having the fan on constantly. Never mind the fact that I’ve only had one illness this year, and it was after international travel (I often pick up bugs when visiting new countries). And let’s not forget the 25 years I lived in Texas, the whole of which is air-conditioned 24 hours a day, and we Texans somehow managed to survive that. I understand there are still a few Texans left to tell the tale, even.

Anyway, Carpetblogger’s post is as informative as it is snarky. Go read it. Link

Ah, Summer’s Last Stand. No, it’s not a lost episode of The OC, it’s this awful humidity we’ve been plagued with for the past week. Temperatures are starting to drop at night, though, so I’m hoping within a couple of weeks this whole sweaty, stinky season will be a bad memory.

Speaking of bad memories, here are some Turklish shirts from today’s bazaar.

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We start out with some forceful Turkanese, and I have no idea if those characters join up to say anything nonsensical. It could be just random characters that mean nothing, but in my experience the Turks are more inclined to cut-n-paste from the internet for their shirt fodder, so I bet one of our Japanese-reading friends will tell us what the big FORCEFUL thing is. Or maybe it means something in Chinese… ?

Star raw— ah, sometimes the Lindsay Lohan jokes write themselves.

I’m not sure why, but I love everything about this shirt. In fact, I think I’ll add it to the store.

They say if you’re searching for nothing you will certainly find it…

Today on the menu: PMS burgers.

With friends like these, who needs to go elsewhere to find a Halloween costume?

Come over to the force side.

I bet they have a web site for that sort of thing.

Ha, I got so caught up in “nation of hoop” that I didn’t even notice at first… what the hell are those dice numbers about? Seven? Nine?

If you want to see more of these, the bazaar archive is here. This week I’ll be making some changes and additions to the store, so if you’d like to purchase one of the shirts that’s there now you’d better hurry before they’re gone and the fall season stock arrives. Enjoy your Thursday, see you guys tomorrow.

Today credit cards are need of almost every one. There are several types of these cards. You can easily get capital one credit card. For zero percent interest on balance transfer 0 credit cards are also available along with low interest card. The rewards visa card is normally issued to individuals with best ratings with credit reporting bureaus. There is a three-digit credit card security code normally at the back of the card. Different financial companies are rendering credit card consolidation facilities.

I cannot explain what these tourists kids are doing. I guess it doesn’t seem so unusual at first… except that they weren’t posing for me, they were already sitting like that when I arrived on the scene. I just snapped a moment already in progress.

A week ago I finally participated in the eight random things meme, but of course I couldn’t leave well enough alone— I actually posted nine things, one of which was a lie. I received many comments and e-mails with your guesses as to which one wasn’t true, and I was amused and bemused both by which ones you chose, and the reasoning behind your choices. In any case, here’s the real truth.

• I like to give everything a fair chance to impress me; subsequently I find it impossible to have favourite things, like a favourite colour or musician or food. True. Just ask Emirhan how frustrating it can be to get a preference out of me.
• Probably my most serious hobby is language study and linguistics. True. In fact, I have a couple of language-related projects going on as we speak.
• I’m the most flexible person I know. I can do all those freaky things like lying on my stomach and bringing my feet over my back to touch my ears. True. No, I won’t post the video on YouTube, you just have to take my word for it.
• I talk funny. People expect me to sound American but I just don’t. True. I got an intense amount of crap about this in university from people whose lives are apparently so devoid of actual content that they have to make fun of others in order to keep busy. Yes, you would have thought people would have grown out of that sort of nonsense after middle school, but no.
• Many years ago I was a professional opera singer. True. I was shocked and amazed at how many of you thought this was the lie, especially after I had just spent several paragraphs droning on and on about how I’d been a classically trained musician since the age of eight and classical music had been my whole life and I’d gone on to open a music school teaching, amongst other things, voice and vocal coaching. So why on earth would any of that make you think that opera was such an unlikely path for me to follow? Opera seems like a pretty obvious path to me, but you guys didn’t think so. The great majority of you thought this was the lie, but of course it wasn’t. I was an opera singer for many years.
• Up until about a year ago I couldn’t cook anything at all. I have no natural ability whatsoever in the kitchen. True. Just ask Emirhan, who has had to deal with my learning curve. One of my friends from high school thought she remembered me saying I cooked in high school, but as I pointed out in the comments, she has me confused with my mother, who is an excellent cook and whose cooking I talk about frequently.
• I grew up in one of the hottest hotspots in the United States for alien sightings and abductions, San Antonio’s Olmos Basin. True. Best-selling author Whitley Strieber, who pretty much wrecked his writing career by coming out as an abductee, is probably the most famous of the Basin abductees, but more sightings and abductions are reported from the Olmos Basin every year than from any other area in the United States except for upstate New York. And yes, I used to wander around out there alone at night, and the anecdote about getting scared by a black Lab is absolutely true.
• I find politics mind-numbing and soul-destroying, and I can’t spend more than about thirty seconds listening to political talk before I want to slit my wrists. True. In general I despise arguing, and it amazes me that if you read history books, you learn that (technology notwithstanding) politicians are pretty much still arguing about exactly the same stuff as they’ve been arguing about for hundreds of years, and yet even though it’s obvious they’ll never agree on anything, they still continue to argue until they’re blue in the face. That sort of useless talking in circles drives me crazy, and I won’t have anything to do with it.

So, that means…

• Soon after I dropped out of university I joined the armed forces in a moment of desperation about what I would do with my life. The army didn’t work out for me and I got a dishonorable discharge for reasons I can’t go into. False. My dad was in the military and he and my stepmother thought it would be a great career for me, but I knew better. But my avoiding the army had nothing to do with my hatred of politics— one of you suggested that politics and patriotism and military service go hand in hand in America, but as someone who grew up in a military town (San Antonio has several military bases), I can tell you that’s not the case, at least where I lived. Sure, there were some people I knew who deliberately made a career out of the army, but most of the people I knew who signed up did so because they’d finished high school, weren’t planning on going to college, and had no clue what to do with their lives and wanted someone else to make the decisions. Thankfully, although I also had no clue, I didn’t sign up.

So there you have it.