Can you believe it’s nearly the end of January already? A few days ago I finally got my list of goals completed for 2009. This is never a static list for me; my master goal list is actually a perpetually rotating entity that refreshes whenever it needs to, but I do give it a thorough scrubbing when the calendar flips to a new year. I’m pretty pleased with how things are progressing so far. How are you guys getting on with your projects for the year? Anything of note?

Speaking of cleaning and new years, I mentioned before that I’m really excited about the Chinese New Year celebrations, beginning this coming Monday. Most of you know that I’m a student of the Chinese language and culture, and I’m really looking forward to participating as much as I can in this holiday. Of course, it also helps that it’s going to be the year of the ox, which corresponds to the year I was born, and although I don’t believe in any supernatural zodiac powers or anything like that, I’m really into the symbolism of this being “my” year. Preparations for the Chinese New Year generally include making everything clean, fresh, and new. Cleaning the whole house, getting new clothes, perhaps having a haircut. I’m ready for all those things and more, and I plan to hit the ground running tomorrow morning.

Someone else born in the year of the Ox: Barack Obama. Yet another fresh start. Turkish people from my neighbourhood were actually approaching me in the street today and expressing their gratitude to me, as if Obama’s ascent to the White House were my personal responsibility alone. This makes a nice change from the previous eight years, during which I was continually asked to explain why I personally had allowed Bush to run anything more complex than a lemonade stand.

The man who owns the market on the corner hugged me and said, “it’s a new beginning for all of us, not just the Americans.”

It’s not going to happen by magic, though. We’ve all got a part to play— the year of the ox is about slow and steady progress, brought about by hard work and unwavering commitment. It’s time to get a move on.

I have this strange feeling like this is a real thing, but maybe it’s not really called Both Max (imagine that)… anyone?

Oh, jeez:

Yikes!

Compassionate girl has a secret, she’s actually a truehe:

Also known as “a kick in the nuts.”

Write your own porn star joke:

Mother always warned Bugi that if he kept erasing his face, eventually it would stick that way.

Is epilepsy common in embroidered rabbits?

My only miracle of belief is that the public has given more than a nanosecond of attention to any spawn of Billy Ray Cyrus. Thank god that catastrophe hasn’t made it over here… yet.

He’s a little sensitive about his height, what with no body and all.