You get what you pay for:

Although after you’ve paid for the corrective leg braces, I guess the feet can hardly be considered free.

Yeah, I suppose it makes sense that there would be a good deal of speed inside the energy world… or Red Bull, inside the less hardcore energy world.

Clearly raves have changed from when I was of raving age:

Here’s a good old-fashioned wtf:

He’s urban, he’s chic— the amazing Genuini!

In case it helps, that word stitched in sequins over “quickly” is “glory.” Because that’s really going to help you a lot, yeah?

Do you think they meant this, or this?

Because either one would be a fantastic theme for a high school musical.

Because nothing says “classic” like values slightly greater than the speed of light.

New, from the makers of “fire engine green” and “purple cab”:

What’s this an acronym for?

Oh wait, an acronym’s supposed to spell a word…